I don’t restrict, I just binge. Can you help?

People write to me every week complaining that they can’t get their binges under control, but they don’t restrict. Nine times out of ten, there actually IS restriction going on, but it’s presenting itself in more subtle ways that you are not recognizing as restriction.

Here are things to ask yourself if you can’t stop eating but don’t control your food:

HAVE YOU RECONSIDERED YOUR DEFINITION OF RESTRICTION?

Sometimes we think of restriction in obvious ways, like minimizing calories or eating rice cakes and celery. But restriction can take many other forms, including limiting food groups (think gluten free or low carb) Or mental restriction, meaning that even though you eat the food, you are still judging yourself or having it. Think: I am being so bad, I am eating too much, I can’t eat past 8 PM. Are you restricting in ways that don’t seem like restriction but might be having the same effect ?

DO YOU HAVE SUPPORT?

Do you have someone to talk to you on a regular basis? Are your thoughts organized and focused so you can connect the dots in recovery and move forward? Personal support from people in your life as well as professional support from a therapist and/or coach is more helpful than you may realize! This is a lot of work! Lots of emotions are involved. You don’t have to take it on alone.

ARE YOU EMOTIONALLY BYPASSING?

Binges can be fueled by our emotions, especially when we want to avoid them, or aren’t able to recognize them so that we can deal with them effectively. What is your relationship to your emotions? Are you able to identify them when they arise? Are you willing to sit with them, even when they are uncomfortable? Do you have coping strategies? Explore awareness around your own emotions, and identify areas that are triggering you. Then you can start the work of learning how to feel them without covering them up in a binge.

DO YOU HAVE OTHER COPING SKILLS?

Life is hard. We need coping skills. At some point in your past, you may have learned that food was the easiest way to self soothe. As a result, you may have stuck with this method and haven’t learned other ways of calming yourself down or comforting yourself. This is not a failure on your part—food is quick, available, and designed to give you a satisfying hit of dopamine. Once you identify other ways to cope, try using them (alongside your binge is OK!) to get comfortable with them.

ARE YOU GUILTING & SHOULDING ALL OVER YOURSELF?

As mentioned before, having guilt about what you eat is a form of mental restriction. If you were inner critic is constantly telling you what you should be doing instead of what you are doing—think: I ate a sandwich and I should have had a salad, I should be eating less than my partner, I shouldn’t still be hungry—you are going to feel shame. Shame is a known stressor and can induce feelings of rebellion, hopelessness, and low self-esteem, all of which can contribute to binge eating.

HAS IT BECOME A HABIT?

Especially if you’ve been binging for a long time, your brain has become wired to associate stress, emotion, or even certain times of day with going into binge mode. Once you have a dressed restriction, it will be easier to slow down during these moments to become mindful and intentional of what you are doing as you are doing it. Once awareness is involved, we can actively change the behavior by replacing it with another behavior that brings us peace.

HOW IS YOUR SELF ESTEEM?

What do you like about yourself? If someone criticizes you, do you feel destroyed or resilient? Do you feel that you have control over your own ability to succeed (self efficacy)? This one is tough because you may recognize that your self-esteem needs work, but what can you do about it? Self-esteem is cultivated over time, so it won’t be an overnight fix. However, you can start by focusing on your strengths instead of your shortcomings, and spending more time doing things you enjoy and feel good at.

ARE YOU UNDER YOUR WEIGHT SET POINT, OR STILL RECOVERING FROM DIETING?

If you recently stopped dieting or are still gaining weight from eating disorder recovery, your body is going to be hungry. Until we are within our weight set point range, our body will send hunger signals for rich and calorie dense food. This level of hunger can show up as a binge, but should subside once your body reaches its natural resting point.

If you’d like to explore these concepts more, coaching packages are available to give your healing more depth.