On Not Being Liked

One of the most common patterns I see among people with disordered eating and body image issues is the need for acceptance.

As humans, we are wired to desire acceptance, to be part of a group. Way back when, people lived in small, close-knit communities. If you weren't accepted by your tribe, you risked survival.

As with most things, our neural wiring is way behind our social evolution. Today, we live in large towns and cities and have plenty of people with whom we can choose to associate. And we certainly won't die if Joe and Becky don't want us around.

But still, so many of us persist to be likeable. We want to be appealing to everyone. We fear rejection. We don't say anything that might be perceived less than favorably, we don't say No when we need to, we appear to have everything under control at all times so that people like us, want to be friends with us, even envy us.

But we are not all things to all people. So in trying to be everything to everyone, we have to downplay certain parts of ourselves, or whitewash our personalities so they appeal to the masses.

This is a rejection of self, and most of us don't know it's happening.

But I swear to God, you don't have to do that.

It's okay if not everybody likes you. It really, really is. You won't be everyone's cup of tea. And some people are so busy projecting their own insecurities onto you won't be liked no matter what you do anyway.

Find your people. Hold them close. Your real community loves you for who you actually are.

You can too.