Mom, why do people want to lose weight?

I went for a walk today with my oldest daughter, who just turned 9 a few weeks ago. We were chatting about getting a puppy (which we're NOT) when out of nowhere she asks, "why do people want to lose weight?"

Gulp. So much easier to deal with the "where do babies come from?" line of questioning.

"Who do you know that wants to lose weight?" I asked. I've never heard her use this term before.

"Jamie* on the bus talks about it. And Jenna* sometimes. And Aunt Melissa* always says she's on a diet and says I'm lucky because I'm skinny."

I knew a weight-neutral, no-talking-about-diets household would only go so far. Diet culture is out there, practically salivating to get it's hands around her pre-adolescent insecurities.

So I was honest. "People want to lose weight because commercials and magazines and movies and TV make people think everyone should look a certain way. And lots of people believe that, so they try really hard to look different." I explained that bodies come in all different shapes and sizes, and one is not better than another. That being healthy is about what you do and not what you look like.

She digested this. And then, "do you want to lose weight?"

Oh boy. Breathe. Keep it simple, for now. "No, Jules," I reply. "I think my body is ok just the way it is. I feel really strong and healthy. I don't believe all of those messages."

I felt this was about enough for a 9-year old. When she has more questions, it's better to come in a slow drip so she can digest it fully. There will be more layers and nuances to this discussion as she gets older, but not today. I asked her to please come talk to me if and when she has more questions or problems about this, or anything like this. She agreed, and went about her merry way.

It breaks my heart that 9-year olds are worried about these things, but it also doesn't surprise me. Diet culture language runs in our blood. It takes a long time to stop the automatic body-criticisms ("I can't stand my arms in this shirt"), the weight-loss praise ("you look amazing! did you lose weight?"), and the restriction mindset ("I can't have that, I'm watching/doing Paleo/on a cleanse"). We say this stuff out loud, and kids are taking it all in.

Solving this problem is a collective effort. Controlling our words at home will only shield them so much.

In the meantime, we go for walks and talk about puppies, and pray that they keep talking to us.