On Enneagrams

A friend of mine convinced me to take the Enneagram Personality Test a few days ago. 

I didn't want to. As a rule, I do not take personality tests. I like them in theory--the concept is fascinating. But in practice, they made me frustrated. I always feel they get me "wrong," and I can never commit to one answer for any given question. 

Because I, you see, contain multitudes.

Or do I contain nothing at all?

For many people with food and body image issues, a solid sense of self is elusive. I would venture to say that people who struggle with these issues, especially those who manifest them during adolescence (when self-identity is really starting to rev it's engine), are shape-shifters. 

Unable to find footing in who we really are, we learn to create alternative personalities to deflect, defend, protect, and please.

Were you criticized for being "too much," or too emotional? Have you gone on to develop a tough, detached self as a defense?

Or maybe you had wings, imagination, dreams, creativity. Maybe those wings were tied down because people didn't think they were practical. Who were you to think you could fly?

Or maybe you were taught to value the opinions of others. To put their needs first. What they think about you matters.

As a result, we course correct our original self to fit into the labels otherwise assigned, and we lose touch with our center. We lose touch with our self. And life marches on, as if nothing happened.

And so I didn't want to take the damn personality test. I didn't want someone to assign me a label--I'd had enough of those. I didn't want to fit into a box, when I know that boxes tie our wings down.

I don't want anyone else to tell me what or who I am.

I'm going to make that decision from now on.

But I did take the test. And found much of it to be very, very on point. Maybe it's because I have more of a sense of who I am now, and I feel comfortable with my core personality traits. I don't need to make excuses for them, or compare them to someone else to see how I measure up. I'm ok with the test because it tells me I'm a 5, but I know I'm Stefanie.